I have I firmly held belief that Superman is perhaps the laziest creation of a super-being ever to grace our screens/comics/cartoons. It's not that superman himself is lazy, just the general idea of the guy. I recently conducted an interview with superman creator Joe Shuster (this didn't happen, I just have too much time on my hands) in an attempt to find the source of my distain for one of the worlds most popular superheros!
Me: Hi Joe, I'd like to start by thanking you for taking time out of your busy schedule to answer a few of my questions.
Joe: No problem, I'm a big fan of your work
Me: Why thank you Joe, During this interview I hope to get to the heart of what makes superman, so I'd like to start by asking what gave you the original idea for this character?
Joe: Well its an interesting story. I wanted to create a superhero. My starting point was that he must be a man, and that he must have superpowers, so I came up with the name 'Superman'.
Me: Thats great, I see what you did there Joe, fantastic word play! Not really an interesting story but whatever. So what super powers does superman have?
Joe: well he can do pretty much anything. He can lift things with his incredible strength, he can see through walls, burn stuff with his eyes, reflect bullets. You name it he can do it. He can even fly around the globe so fast that it will turn back time.
Me: ermm...you can't fly around the globe to turn back time, that doesn't make sense.
Joe: Yes it does, he's superman.
Me: Okay then.....The guy seems pretty much invincible, there must be something that can stop him..you know like an achilles heel?
Joe: Sure, kryptonite!
Me: What the fuck is kryptonite?
Joe: It's a green rock from his home planet.
Me: Well that sounds pretty safe! If it's from a different planet then not much of it can be around right?
Joe: Oh no, it's everywhere! Pretty much any supervillain can get a hold of it.
Me: well, how come?
Joe: Just because....
Joe: Just because....
Me: Okay then. So tell me about Superman's alter ego, what exactly are the differences?
Joe: Well Clark (Kent) is a bit of a looser, he can't stop bullets, lift planes or turn back time. Very much like you or me. Plus he has a side parting.
Me: Okay, so how does Clark turn into Superman?
Joe: Well he takes off his glasses, did I mention he wears galsses?
Joe: Well he does. And he changes his hair slightly and puts on the suit!
Me: That's weak!
Joe: Well he does it very quickly
Me: Doesn't the suit seem a little gay to you?
Joe: A little, I suppose...you're pretty!
Me: Joe, without meaning to sound offensive, this whole idea sounds a little retarded to me. Are you a retard?
Joe: *druels a little*
Me: 'K then, thank you for your time Joe, its been a pleasure talking to you.
Joe: I like chocolate
Me: Thats just fine...bye now
So as my time with imaginary Joe proves, Superman is crap.......
...And a little gay!